Stalling and Cobras

I found myself trying to think about what I could write on this here blog.  To tell you the truth, I haven't really been able to think about much lately.  I haven't been able to get a grasp on this new work schedule thing.  It's hard because my schedule changes every other day.  One day I'll go in pretty early, but also get off early.  Then the next day is the opposite - go in later, leave later.  It's hard to get my body into a groove that constantly changes!  So I've been exhausted, and my babies are actually not to blame!  But in trying to stay positive, I won't complain.  For now.  hee hee

We've been faced with challenges from our Lorelai lately.  She has decided that she never wants to go to bed again! Every time we put her to bed and close her door, she's out of bed an opening the door before we even get down the hall.  She always use to be so good at bedtime too!  I always bragged to other moms about how she never fought us, never stalled, never cried at bedtime.  Well, I think that the universe wanted to show me what some other moms go through.  She now fights us, stalls, and not only cries but screams her head off!  This has been going on the last few weeks but these last few days have gotten much worse.  Having not gone through this before, we aren't really sure what to do.  We've tried being really nice, we've tried being mean.  We've tried having her put her stuffed animals to bed and asking her to help them go to sleep.  I've even tried aromatherapy and used lavender oil on her.  Nothing seems to be working.  However, I think we were on to something tonight.  After Scarlett went to bed we kept her up and had "Daddy-Mommy-Lorelai time".  I have a feeling that having a little sister who is getting a lot of the attention that she used to get is finally starting to get to her.  I asked her what she wanted to do for her special time and she said she wanted to run!  We ran in place for a minute or so, which was pretty funny.  Lorelai ended up spending most of the night doing Daddy's hair, which is always entertaining!  She did cry/scream when we put her to bed.  She did try to stall saying that it was "potty time".  Geoff did end up sitting in her room with her for a few minutes.  But it was nothing compared to what we have been experiencing!  Hopefully it just keeps getting better as time goes on.  If any of you mommy's have some suggestions, then I'm all ears!

As for my other baby, she is going to be three months old tomorrow!  Really?!  This can't be happening!  She is grabbing her toys now and she laughed for the first time last week.  She's finally starting to be OK with tummy time.  She doesn't love it, but she'll tolerate it for a short while.  She's been lifting her head for quite some time, but now she's doing little baby cobras!  Ahh, my little yogini.  Making her Momma proud!  We finally have her in cloth diapers full time now too!!  We are loving it!!  This is seriously one of the best things we have ever done.  Not only will I never have to buy another diaper again which will save me hundreds if not thousands of dollars, but I can feel good about not adding to the waste in our landfills.  Did you know that a disposable diaper takes 500 years to decompose? 500 years?!?!!  Just to give you an idea, Michelangelo was working on his masterpiece in the Sistine Chapel 500 years ago.  Remarkable. 

Well my little bloggy friends, it is time for me to start the going to bed process.  Somehow that takes up to two hours on some nights!  Until we meet again.......

Peace.

Hi Ho Hi Ho, you fill in the rest

Hello my bloggy friends.  It's been a while, I know.  It's been a little crazy around here lately and I'm not a fan!  This week has been really hard.  I went back to work on Monday after a much enjoyed 12 weeks of maternity leave.  You should have seen me on that first day away from my girls.  I cried in the morning and wouldn't put Scarlett in her car seat.  I just kept holding her and kissing her, and of course, crying my eyes out.  When I got to work, one of my co workers just gave me a hug as soon as I walked in.  I again, started crying instantly.  My desk is right by the kitchen so many people pass me all throughout the day.  Every time someone would walk by that would ask how the girls are doing.  So what did I do?  Cried.  Then sometimes I'd hear a stupid question.  "How are you holding up?"  Really?  How do you think I'm holding up?!  My face is red, mascara is under my eyes, and my eyes are swollen.  I'm doing great, thanks so much for asking.  Everyone just says that it will get better.  And I suppose in some ways it does.  I don't cry in the mornings anymore, even though I want to.  I'm able to concentrate on getting some work done.  But the desire to be with my girls does not lessen.  I want nothing more than to be with them and nurture them, play with them, feed them, and cuddle with them.  They are everything to me, and to know that someone else is doing these things with them breaks my heart.  

I do, however, feel positive about "new beginnings" for us.  This may sound crazy, but I just feel like things are going to change for our family soon.  I'm not sure what it is, but I know it's coming.  I'm praying for strength and for peace and serenity.  These are things that I have been needing more of lately.  Yeah, I know that peace and serenity are basically the same thing, but I need a double dose of that goodness!  

Well Geoff just brought home Coldstone ice cream, so I have a feeling that my mood is about to brighten.  "Peanut Butter Cup Perfection" - chocolate ice cream, peanut butter, peanut butter cups, and fudge.  I mean, come on!!  :)

My growing baby and the "V" word

Scarlett had her two month appointment yesterday and she is doing beautifully!  She weighs 12lbs, 14oz which puts her in the 90-95th percentile for her weight.  Also, she's 24 in long which puts her in the 95th for her height!  Such a big girl!  Her doctor always jokes that her momma makes some good milk - go Momma! 

She was also due for her immunizations.  I haven't fully decided where I stand on vaccines.  There's something about them that just doesn't sit right with me.  There are double the recommended vaccines now then there were when we were babies.  We all survived and none of us got a crazy disease.  I know that there are no scientific facts to say that vaccines cause disabilities, including autism.  But why is it that now 1 in every 91 kids will be diagnosed with autism?  If it isn't the vaccines, then what is causing this scary rise in numbers?  I'm open to possibilities that it could be something else, but vaccines seem to reason I keep coming back to.  How can I live with myself if I chose to give a vaccine and possibly give her autism?  But then, how can I live with myself if I chose not to have her vaccinated and she gets a life threatening disease?  These are the questions that I as a mother struggle with. 

The doctor was very understanding and said that there were some that perhaps we didn't need to give her.  Diphtheria being one of them, there hasn't been an outbreak of diphtheria since the 40's.  I believe the others that he said we could hold off on were polio and hep b.  I could be wrong on that, as I was crying my eyes out and it was hard for me to focus.  He highly suggested getting the one for pertussis (whooping cough) and the two for meningitis.  He said that we could split them up and just do one a month.  Some are saying that splitting them up to just one vaccine at a time can cut back on reactions.

I think a reason that I'm so concerned is because Lorelai had such a bad reaction to all of her vaccines.  A fever that lasted almost a week, swollen leg at the injection sight for about 2 weeks, and of course crankiness and lethargy which lasted several days.  I hated knowing that I did that to her and I don't want to put Scarlett through the same "torture".  And after her vaccines I would watch her like a hawk.  I was always afraid of SIDS and any developmental delays.  I would constantly be watching her for signs of autism.  I remember one time shortly after being vaccinated for something that I can't remember she was banging one of her toys on the ground over and over again.  I panicked that this repetitive action was a sign of looming autism.  Perhaps I'm neurotic, but that's me. 

Why must being a parent be so difficult?  I am praying for guidance and wisdom that we will do the right thing for our babies.

Peace 

Ok folks, listen to my sob story for the day.  This morning at breakfast, Lorelai said "Lorelai loves Daddy".  I thought, aw, that's nice.  Wonder who else she loves.  So I asked.  This was our conversation:

LO: Lorelai loves Scarlett Rose.

Me: Who else do you love?

LO: Lorelai loves Scooter, and Cooper, and Kitty.

Me: Who else do you love?

LO: Lorelai loves Ja Ja and Buscha, and Harley, and Rugby, and bubble water. (These are her grandparents, their dogs, and their spa......)

Me: Who else do you love?

LO: Lorelai loves Santa Clause.

Me: Who else do you love?

LO: Lorelai loves nice lady.  (that's the lady that cut her hair)

Me: Ok, does Lorelai love Mommy?

LO: Umm, no.

Yep, my kid hates me!  lol  How sad is this?!  It looks like I'm going to have to start bribing her to love me!  haha

Cranky kid and tangets

I haven't had much to write the past couple of days.  Or perhaps, I haven't wanted to write anything in a while.  That's my prerogative, right?! 

Lorelai has been experimenting with ways to test her mother's limits lately.  "No" seems to be her new favorite word.  Not is she just saying no.  Here is an example.  Me: "Lorelai, would you please pick up your cup."  LO: (while walking to her cup, she kicks it) "No"  Really?!!  You're not only going to tell me "no", but you're also going to look me in the eye and kick your cup?!  No more Nice Mom.  It's time to break out the hardcore discipline!  Wish me luck on that one folks!

Today has been a little better.  She has been picking up her toys when I ask her too.  She took a nap too, which is a huge part of the battle.  When she doesn't take a nap she gets extremely cranky and the rest of the day is shot. 

Oh, and now I'm going to go off on a tangent.  Scarlett must be going through a growth spurt because she has been nursing alllllll day!  Well, I had gotten Lorelai down for her nap, was nursing Scarlett and then guess what happened?  Some random guy rang the doorbell!  So what happens next?  The dogs start barking like crazy!  There is no way that I'm answering the door because 1) I have no clue who this guy is (I could see him when he walked by the window) and 2) I'm nursing.  So then, he decides to knock.  I'm sure he was just a solicitor or a landscaper, we always get those.  With all the barking and doorbell ringing, Lorelai starts screaming.  Great.  Thanks a lot to the dude that just had to pick my house.  It was really appreciated.

Ok, now with that tangent I went on, I kinda forgot where I was going.  Oh well I guess!

Peace

Sad & Frustrated

I haven't been able to write my thoughts down in the past couple of days because frankly I haven't wanted to think about my thoughts.  If that makes any sense.  I have to go back to work in about a week and a half.  I'm dreading it more than you can imagine.  Not because I don't like to work.  I like getting dressed up and going into the office and having that routine.  I like my job as much as the next person.  I like the people I work with.  But more than anything, I love my babies.  I've spent the last ten weeks with them and I can't bear the thought of not being with them all day.  I work for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.  I have about an hour commute both ways.  That's 10 hours a day that I'm not with them.  They sleep for about 12 hours at night (crazy, I know).  That leaves 2 hours a day that I get to be with them.  Then there's making dinner, getting ready for bed, I litterally have 10 hours during the work week to try to connect with them.  So then there's the weekend.  As everyone knows, weekends are jam packed with errands, cleaning, you name it.  I feel that I should be able to spend more time with my family.  I would love to work just part time, but my job doesn't offer part time hours.  I can't not work because I'm the one with the insurance for the family.  I hope this doesn't come off as just a complaining-fest, because I don't mean for it to be.  I'm just frustrated, sad, and a bit depressed. I've become withdrawn - worrying about my soon-to-come-lack-of-time with my family has caused me to not be as present with them.  So with that acceptance, I'm going to try to make the most of the time I have with them.  Hopefully I can change the way I see this situation and be happier with it.  If anyone can offer some words of wisdom, my ears are open. 

Peace

A girl after my own heart!

Lorelai has been working a lot on her letters lately.  Their names, their sounds, and how to draw/write them.  She is doing really well at all of it and I'm so proud of her!  She knows all of her letters, even though she gets a couple of them mixed up.  Example, she says that "U" is "Q" and "J" is "K", but she's getting better at them.  She sings her ABC's all the time, it's her favorite song. And the cutest thing ever is when she sings it to Scarlett!  Seriously, there's nothing sweeter.  Even though she is great at her letters, I was shocked to see her write some of them.  I haven't worked with her on that yet, so she's apparently been teaching herself!  Well, she wrote her first word!!!!!  Granted, she didn't know it was a word and she was just writing letters.  But I don't care, it's a word!!!  And you'll never guess what she wrote.  I'll give you a hint, she's taking after her yoga momma.  She wrote "OM"!!!!  You might not be able to see it, but if you have the eyes of a momma then it's clear! lol  I love my little darling!  Now maybe we'll work on writing "Namaste"......  lol

Peace