Hi Ho Hi Ho, you fill in the rest

Hello my bloggy friends.  It's been a while, I know.  It's been a little crazy around here lately and I'm not a fan!  This week has been really hard.  I went back to work on Monday after a much enjoyed 12 weeks of maternity leave.  You should have seen me on that first day away from my girls.  I cried in the morning and wouldn't put Scarlett in her car seat.  I just kept holding her and kissing her, and of course, crying my eyes out.  When I got to work, one of my co workers just gave me a hug as soon as I walked in.  I again, started crying instantly.  My desk is right by the kitchen so many people pass me all throughout the day.  Every time someone would walk by that would ask how the girls are doing.  So what did I do?  Cried.  Then sometimes I'd hear a stupid question.  "How are you holding up?"  Really?  How do you think I'm holding up?!  My face is red, mascara is under my eyes, and my eyes are swollen.  I'm doing great, thanks so much for asking.  Everyone just says that it will get better.  And I suppose in some ways it does.  I don't cry in the mornings anymore, even though I want to.  I'm able to concentrate on getting some work done.  But the desire to be with my girls does not lessen.  I want nothing more than to be with them and nurture them, play with them, feed them, and cuddle with them.  They are everything to me, and to know that someone else is doing these things with them breaks my heart.  

I do, however, feel positive about "new beginnings" for us.  This may sound crazy, but I just feel like things are going to change for our family soon.  I'm not sure what it is, but I know it's coming.  I'm praying for strength and for peace and serenity.  These are things that I have been needing more of lately.  Yeah, I know that peace and serenity are basically the same thing, but I need a double dose of that goodness!  

Well Geoff just brought home Coldstone ice cream, so I have a feeling that my mood is about to brighten.  "Peanut Butter Cup Perfection" - chocolate ice cream, peanut butter, peanut butter cups, and fudge.  I mean, come on!!  :)

My growing baby and the "V" word

Scarlett had her two month appointment yesterday and she is doing beautifully!  She weighs 12lbs, 14oz which puts her in the 90-95th percentile for her weight.  Also, she's 24 in long which puts her in the 95th for her height!  Such a big girl!  Her doctor always jokes that her momma makes some good milk - go Momma! 

She was also due for her immunizations.  I haven't fully decided where I stand on vaccines.  There's something about them that just doesn't sit right with me.  There are double the recommended vaccines now then there were when we were babies.  We all survived and none of us got a crazy disease.  I know that there are no scientific facts to say that vaccines cause disabilities, including autism.  But why is it that now 1 in every 91 kids will be diagnosed with autism?  If it isn't the vaccines, then what is causing this scary rise in numbers?  I'm open to possibilities that it could be something else, but vaccines seem to reason I keep coming back to.  How can I live with myself if I chose to give a vaccine and possibly give her autism?  But then, how can I live with myself if I chose not to have her vaccinated and she gets a life threatening disease?  These are the questions that I as a mother struggle with. 

The doctor was very understanding and said that there were some that perhaps we didn't need to give her.  Diphtheria being one of them, there hasn't been an outbreak of diphtheria since the 40's.  I believe the others that he said we could hold off on were polio and hep b.  I could be wrong on that, as I was crying my eyes out and it was hard for me to focus.  He highly suggested getting the one for pertussis (whooping cough) and the two for meningitis.  He said that we could split them up and just do one a month.  Some are saying that splitting them up to just one vaccine at a time can cut back on reactions.

I think a reason that I'm so concerned is because Lorelai had such a bad reaction to all of her vaccines.  A fever that lasted almost a week, swollen leg at the injection sight for about 2 weeks, and of course crankiness and lethargy which lasted several days.  I hated knowing that I did that to her and I don't want to put Scarlett through the same "torture".  And after her vaccines I would watch her like a hawk.  I was always afraid of SIDS and any developmental delays.  I would constantly be watching her for signs of autism.  I remember one time shortly after being vaccinated for something that I can't remember she was banging one of her toys on the ground over and over again.  I panicked that this repetitive action was a sign of looming autism.  Perhaps I'm neurotic, but that's me. 

Why must being a parent be so difficult?  I am praying for guidance and wisdom that we will do the right thing for our babies.

Peace 

Ok folks, listen to my sob story for the day.  This morning at breakfast, Lorelai said "Lorelai loves Daddy".  I thought, aw, that's nice.  Wonder who else she loves.  So I asked.  This was our conversation:

LO: Lorelai loves Scarlett Rose.

Me: Who else do you love?

LO: Lorelai loves Scooter, and Cooper, and Kitty.

Me: Who else do you love?

LO: Lorelai loves Ja Ja and Buscha, and Harley, and Rugby, and bubble water. (These are her grandparents, their dogs, and their spa......)

Me: Who else do you love?

LO: Lorelai loves Santa Clause.

Me: Who else do you love?

LO: Lorelai loves nice lady.  (that's the lady that cut her hair)

Me: Ok, does Lorelai love Mommy?

LO: Umm, no.

Yep, my kid hates me!  lol  How sad is this?!  It looks like I'm going to have to start bribing her to love me!  haha

Cranky kid and tangets

I haven't had much to write the past couple of days.  Or perhaps, I haven't wanted to write anything in a while.  That's my prerogative, right?! 

Lorelai has been experimenting with ways to test her mother's limits lately.  "No" seems to be her new favorite word.  Not is she just saying no.  Here is an example.  Me: "Lorelai, would you please pick up your cup."  LO: (while walking to her cup, she kicks it) "No"  Really?!!  You're not only going to tell me "no", but you're also going to look me in the eye and kick your cup?!  No more Nice Mom.  It's time to break out the hardcore discipline!  Wish me luck on that one folks!

Today has been a little better.  She has been picking up her toys when I ask her too.  She took a nap too, which is a huge part of the battle.  When she doesn't take a nap she gets extremely cranky and the rest of the day is shot. 

Oh, and now I'm going to go off on a tangent.  Scarlett must be going through a growth spurt because she has been nursing alllllll day!  Well, I had gotten Lorelai down for her nap, was nursing Scarlett and then guess what happened?  Some random guy rang the doorbell!  So what happens next?  The dogs start barking like crazy!  There is no way that I'm answering the door because 1) I have no clue who this guy is (I could see him when he walked by the window) and 2) I'm nursing.  So then, he decides to knock.  I'm sure he was just a solicitor or a landscaper, we always get those.  With all the barking and doorbell ringing, Lorelai starts screaming.  Great.  Thanks a lot to the dude that just had to pick my house.  It was really appreciated.

Ok, now with that tangent I went on, I kinda forgot where I was going.  Oh well I guess!

Peace

Sad & Frustrated

I haven't been able to write my thoughts down in the past couple of days because frankly I haven't wanted to think about my thoughts.  If that makes any sense.  I have to go back to work in about a week and a half.  I'm dreading it more than you can imagine.  Not because I don't like to work.  I like getting dressed up and going into the office and having that routine.  I like my job as much as the next person.  I like the people I work with.  But more than anything, I love my babies.  I've spent the last ten weeks with them and I can't bear the thought of not being with them all day.  I work for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.  I have about an hour commute both ways.  That's 10 hours a day that I'm not with them.  They sleep for about 12 hours at night (crazy, I know).  That leaves 2 hours a day that I get to be with them.  Then there's making dinner, getting ready for bed, I litterally have 10 hours during the work week to try to connect with them.  So then there's the weekend.  As everyone knows, weekends are jam packed with errands, cleaning, you name it.  I feel that I should be able to spend more time with my family.  I would love to work just part time, but my job doesn't offer part time hours.  I can't not work because I'm the one with the insurance for the family.  I hope this doesn't come off as just a complaining-fest, because I don't mean for it to be.  I'm just frustrated, sad, and a bit depressed. I've become withdrawn - worrying about my soon-to-come-lack-of-time with my family has caused me to not be as present with them.  So with that acceptance, I'm going to try to make the most of the time I have with them.  Hopefully I can change the way I see this situation and be happier with it.  If anyone can offer some words of wisdom, my ears are open. 

Peace

A girl after my own heart!

Lorelai has been working a lot on her letters lately.  Their names, their sounds, and how to draw/write them.  She is doing really well at all of it and I'm so proud of her!  She knows all of her letters, even though she gets a couple of them mixed up.  Example, she says that "U" is "Q" and "J" is "K", but she's getting better at them.  She sings her ABC's all the time, it's her favorite song. And the cutest thing ever is when she sings it to Scarlett!  Seriously, there's nothing sweeter.  Even though she is great at her letters, I was shocked to see her write some of them.  I haven't worked with her on that yet, so she's apparently been teaching herself!  Well, she wrote her first word!!!!!  Granted, she didn't know it was a word and she was just writing letters.  But I don't care, it's a word!!!  And you'll never guess what she wrote.  I'll give you a hint, she's taking after her yoga momma.  She wrote "OM"!!!!  You might not be able to see it, but if you have the eyes of a momma then it's clear! lol  I love my little darling!  Now maybe we'll work on writing "Namaste"......  lol

Peace

 

Bad hair days, no more!

If you have met our daughter, you might notice something about her.  Her hair!  Bless her heart, she has callicks, a mullet, and she even has a chunk missing from when she tried to remedy her hair herself.  She's had hair cuts before, but just for trims and such.  Somehow the hair on the back of her head grew 10 times faster than the rest of her hair and Geoff and I didn't know how to fix it.  The only thing to do was cut it.  I mean really cut it.  I'm big on longer hair, so I really didn't want to cut all of my little girl's hair off.  But I also don't want her to come to me one day and say, "Mom, why would you let me go through my childhood years with a mullet?  How could you do that to me?".  So I finally sucked it up and said, "It's time". 

The last time we took her for a hair cut, she screamed when we put her in the chair.  She wouldn't let that poor lady near her!  We ended up leaving, dreading the day that we would have to attempt this feat again.  Well, today was that day.  I was working her up for it too.  "Lorelai, aren't you excited to sit in the big, cool chair? Don't you want the nice lady to cut your hair and make it pretty?"  "Yeah...." was her answer in this long, drawn out, almost whiny voice.  But before she went to bed last night, she wouldn't stop talking about getting her hair cut.  "Nice lady cut Lorelai's hair, make it pretty!"  She seemed genuinely excited for this event.  Geoff and I went to bed hopeful that this would work.

The same excitement followed her when she woke up, and we crossed our fingers.  When we got there, she said hi to everyone and was in a great mood.  Then her name was called.  I picked her up to carry her to that dreaded "big, cool chair" that I had tried to prep her for.  There was a quiet whiny yell, and I thought to myself, "I might as well turn around right now and take her home".  But I kept going forward.  The stylist let her sit on my lap and gave her a spray bottle of water.  That was all it took!  That stylist was in like cake at a birthday party!  I told her we needed to get rid of the mullet, so I knew what was coming.  A giant lock of hair was about to fall off of her head.  But when it came time for the cut, I held my breath and watched with utter sadness that my baby's hair was gone.  Anyone who has been in this position knows what it feels like.  I knew it was for the better though, so I held back the tears - at least until we had gotten back in the car!  In the end, she came out looking like the big kid that she is and it's beautiful!  Now I just have to figure out how to style it.  Any ideas??